TV TIME

Last month, I wrote an open letter to television executives sharing my brilliant ideas for some new shows we could all watch together as a family. While it doesn't seem like they took any of my ideas for the new fall lineup, here is a list of some new shows that have the potential for greatness.

 

Blindspot (NBC)

Premieres: Monday, September 21^st at 10/9c
In my endless quest to find the next Lost, I will watch this show about a woman (Jaimie Alexander) who wakes up naked and confused in Times Square with her body covered in tattoos. At the end of the day, I know in my heart that nothing will replace the tattooed Matthew Fox waking up confused on an island (even if he wasn’t naked). But this show does serve as a good reminder that Times Square is going downhill again.

 

Life in Pieces (CBS)

Premieres: Monday, September 21^st at 8:30/7:30c
Lost isn’t the only show I’m in mourning for. Even more soul-crushing to me is the loss of Parenthood. But seeing Dianne Wiest star in this new comedy reminds me of the movie Parenthood, and Betsy Brandt was in the TV version, and I’m always confusing Colin Hanks with Jason Ritter... so out of desperation and confusion I am going to watch this and just pretend it’s Parenthood.

 

The Muppets (ABC)

Premieres: Tuesday, September 22^nd at 8/7c
As my kids get older, I’m starting to look for shows we can all watch together as a family. Since I figure we still have a few more years until we can all watch Homeland and Game of Thrones, I figure The Muppets is a good enough place to start.

 

Heroes Reborn (NBC)

Premieres: Thursday, September 24^th at 8/7c
Season 1 of Heroes was fantastic. When Season 2 arrived, my husband and I fought so much over whether it still deserved a place on our DVR that we almost needed couples counseling. Is our marriage strong enough for Heroes Reborn? If anyone can save our marriage, it's Zachary Levi.

 

Scream Queens (FOX)

Premieres: Tuesday, September 22^nd at 8/7c
Ryan Murphy’s comedy-horror series about a sorority forced to open its doors to all students. Even Lea Michele. Then people start to die. Jamie Lee Curtis also stars.  

 

The Grinder (FOX)
Premieres: Tuesday, September 29^th at 8:30/7:30c
Rob Lowe was so freakin’ funny on Parks and Recreation that I have high hopes for this new comedy about an actor playing a lawyer on TV who decides to join his family’s law firm. Plus, I kind of love the idea of pairing him with Fred Savage as his brother. No one liked Wayne Arnold much, anyway.

 

SuperGirl (CBS)

Premieres: Monday, October 26^th at 8:30/7:30c
Based on the DC Comics character Kara Zor-El, this action-drama follows the adventures of Superman’s cousin (played by Melissa Benoist) who decides to embrace her superpowers after 12 years of keeping them a secret. I’m guessing her life becomes a little more complicated after that.  
 

The Catch (ABC)

Premiere date TBD
A thriller about a fraud investigator who has the tables turned on her by her very own adorable fiancé. This is brought to your television by Shondaland so we are all obligated to watch whether we want to or not.

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AN OPEN LETTER TO TELEVISION EXECUTIVES

As a parent, I’m often disappointed with the lack of shows that we can all watch together as a family. Might I suggest putting together a few “Special Event Crossover” episodes that combine my favorites with those of my children? The following are some suggestions to get you started.

 

The Max and Ruby Theory

Four highly intelligent scientists sit around an apartment eating takeout, trying to figure out what the deal is with Ruby. The show lasts for a record ten seasons because no one gets anywhere.

Dora’s Scandal

Dora lands a coveted job exploring the problems of the White House. Once her Backpack gets security clearance, she meets with Cyrus and the President in the Oval Office daily to discuss B6-13, a covert operation run by a man named Swiper. Once in a while, the First Lady and Diego try to meddle in their business.

 

The Real Housewives of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Minnie Mouse is happily the OG of the MMC; that is until Daisy starts trying to take control and work her way to the top of the social hierarchy of the clubhouse. When Daisy throws a party for Mickey and “forgets” to invite Minnie, Andy Cohen is called in to save the day.

 

Doc McStuffin’s Anatomy

Doc is a no nonsense toy doctor who starts a prestigious internship at the Doc Mobile Hospital in Seattle. Even distractions from McChilly and McStuffy can’t deter Doc from saving every doll in sight. And when trouble strikes, she turns to her Person, Lambie.

 

Breaking Team Umizoomi

Team Umizoomi is in over their heads when they become friends with some not so nice Bots. Also look out for the critically acclaimed spinoff: Better Call Milli.

Sesame Girls

Four friends try to navigate life in their twenties while also struggling to make rent living on the hip Sesame Street. It doesn’t take long for Hannah to realize the only person who really understands what she’s going through is Oscar the Grouch.

 

Curb Your Daniel Tiger

A curmudgeonly man keeps getting into trouble with his neighbors after constantly taking his tiger for walks without curbing him. Hilarity ensues.

 

Game of Wonder Pets

Linny, Tuck and Ming-Ming fight for control of the preschool classroom that they live in. In the end, only one can survive. And it’s not going to be Ming Ming.

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FOR THE FIRST TIME ON THE POTTY

The potty seat’s in place, so’s the step stool

I wonder when you’ll realize peeing in your pants is not cool

Who knew we’d need eight thousand Mickey pull-ups?

For months I’ve tried to get you to sit right there

Why even have a bathroom, it’s just not fair

Why won’t you just wear your underwear?

 

There’ll be actual pee-pee in the potty

It’ll be totally strange

But wow, am I so ready for this change!

 

‘Cause for the first time in forever

Without pull-ups you’ll be all right

For the first time in forever

We won’t need to buy those pricey diapers for the night

 

Don’t know if you’re elated or just gassy

But if it’s the latter, please don’t make me guess

‘Cause for the first time in forever

I don’t want to clean up from your mess

 

I suddenly see you sitting there

A beautiful vision, don’t go anywhere

Here, I’ll stuff some chocolate in your face



For the first time in forever

We won't drag around that heavy diaper bag

For the first time in forever

Your pants won't have an unsightly sag



And I know it is totally crazy

To dream this would happen in just one day

But for the first time in forever

Please just listen to what I say

I can't start all over again tomorrow

So it has to be today



'Cause for the first time in forever

For the first time in forever

Just freakin' listen to what I have to say



 

ZOO KEEPERS

As the mom of a toddler, I think I have a pretty good sense of what it feels like to be a zoo keeper. Actually, sometimes I fantasize about how much easier life would be if I just worked at an actual zoo. Let me explain…

Dressing a toddler each morning feels like you’ve been tasked with dressing a crab, forced to get a sock over each of his 10 legs without him scampering away. And the crab keeps taking the socks off as you put another on so eventually you just give up and sneak the socks on at breakfast while he is being distracted with French toast sticks and syrup. Finally, the crab looks down and realizes you didn’t put Mickey socks on him and you have to go through the entire process again.

Working with a toddler who is potty training feels like working in a barn, having to clean up after the animals. Except in addition to cleaning you also have to constantly bribe the horses and cows with M&M’s just to get them to sit on the potty and hear them insist they just don’t have to go. And then you have to inevitably clean up the stall a mere moments later after the barn animals have pooped their pants while standing there coyly smiling at you, still chewing on their M&M’s.  

Helping a toddler into the car each morning feels like you’ve been told to guide an elephant into a car. But this elephant wants to wear rain boots instead of sneakers and keeps running away from you until you just have to carry him out of the house and pray he’ll let you put his sneakers on in the car. And once you get the sneakers on, the elephant insists on strapping himself and starts getting frustrated when he can’t do it so starts kicking and flailing around when you try to help. Oh, and the elephant has an older brother who has only four minutes to get to school before he has to sign in late with the office.

Meal time feels like you’ve been tasked with feeding a rabbit to eat. But instead of eating only carrots, they prefer to gnaw on chocolate, and when you insist they have to eat a sandwich first they spend the next twenty minutes jumping around on all the furniture. Finally, you come to a mutual agreement that the rabbit will eat the sandwich if he gets to make it himself, but as you hand him his little yellow Gerber knife to spread the peanut butter, he insists he will only use the blue one, which is dirty in the kitchen sink.

Bath time feels like you’ve been solicited to give a whale a bath, because how could that much water end up splashed on to the floor from just one little child? And the whale insists on putting more soap on his hair as soon as you’ve rinsed it off. And wants to be washed with a blue washcloth. Only blue. And the whale refuses to get out of the tub, even after all the water has gone down and you’ve begged and pleaded with the whale that it’s not a particularly smart idea for him to just lie in an empty, cold tub with no water.  

Getting a toddler to bed feels like you’ve been asked to get a school of fish into bed. Fish that need more water than any other fish you have ever encountered in your whole life. Fish that are drowning in the huge pile of stuffed animals they demand be left in bed with them.  

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AND THE 2015 AWARDS GO TO…

Awards season is upon us, which means it’s also time for me to compile a list of a few of my favorite things for parents. If you’re craving more lists of my favorite things, be sure to check out my favorite children’s museums and best gifts to give to new parents.

 

BEST AMUSEMENT PARK FOR YOUNG FAMILIES: DUTCH WONDERLAND

Located in Lancaster, PA, Dutch Wonderland is a family-friendly amusement park that caters to families with young children. There are over 30 rides (many of which my two-year-old was able to enjoy), Duke’s Lagoon water play area, and some impressive shows that you can attend throughout the day. Finish off the day with dinner at a local PA Dutch Dining Smorgasbord like Miller’s. Extend your trip and visit Hershey Park and Amish Country, both nearby. Tip: Check out the website during the summer season to find out if you can visit the park for a FREE preview the night before you visit the park for a full day.

 

BEST BOARD GAME: MONOPOLY JUNIOR

This is basically a faster paced version of the classic Monopoly game, and a great way to get kids ages 5+ to work on their budding reading comprehension and math skills. It's also a good way to start teaching your little ones the value of a dollar (something you can remind them about the next time you’re in the toy store).

 

BEST BOOK FOR PRESCHOOLER: THE PIGEON NEEDS A BATH

Mo Willems’ books always bring smiles to my boys’ faces, and this one is no exception. And if you’re going to be asked to read something five times in a row before bedtime, it might as well be something that brings a smile to your face too.  

 

BEST IPAD GAME: OSMO

The website says it’s geared to ages 6+ but my two-year-old and five-year-old both love playing these fun and educational games that promote the development of problem-solving skills and creative thinking. I would especially recommend it to parents whose children are in the early stages of reading.  

 

BEST DESSERT: TATE’S COOKIES

I used to think soft-baked chocolate chip cookies were the crème de la crème, but after sampling Tate’s Cookies it was love at first bite. Originating from a small shop in Long Island, the cookies can now be found in your local grocery store. Buttery, crispy, and not overly sweet, it’s really difficult to stop at just one. Other flavors include White Chocolate Macadamia, Oatmeal Raisin and Butterscotch Pecan.  

 

BEST PICTURE: BOYHOOD

It was nominated for an Academy Award, but I’m certain that Richard Linklater is even more excited to make it on to my list of favorite things. A film about the life of a boy from ages 6-18, Linklater reunited his stellar cast every year for twelve years, allowing the audience to watch his star grow up right in front of their eyes. For those of us who don’t have much spare time (aka ALL of us), keep in mind this movie is over 2 ½ hours long, so perhaps carve out a couple of nights in a row to watch it. While I think there are many wonderful lessons to be taken from this movie, its R rating makes this a recommendation for parents, not their kids.   

 

BEST SNACK: SNAPEA CRISPS

It’s basically like eating a vegetable, right?! Well, maybe it’s not quite as healthy as eating homemade kale chips, but these are still a better alternative to potato chips and frankly I prefer them anyway.
 

BEST TOY: FOOTBALL GUYS

My five-year-old received this as a gift and it quickly became one of his favorite toys. While football captures my attention for all of 30 seconds, this seems to keep him occupied for a good chunk of time. And I appreciate any toy that comes with its own handy storage container. Choose from Football, Baseball, Soccer and Hockey Guys.

 

What makes it onto your favorites list?

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