PARENTING 102

New parents receive a lot of conflicting advice on how to best care for their children. We all know what to expect when we’re expecting, but what about after that? Thankfully, mom-fiction is here with solutions for your most pressing parenting questions.

HOW TO GET YOUR INFANT TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT

It takes a modicum of mental strength but with enough practice anyone can master this method. Little ones crave routine, so establish one early on. After the nighttime feeding, turn on soft music and switch on a nightlight to indicate to the baby that it’s time to settle down. If your infant is still young enough, swaddle. Quietly close the door and head downstairs. Sit on the living room couch. Do not attempt to eat dinner. Stay away from books, magazines, newspapers, work, etc. Do not call ANYONE. If you move even a muscle, your baby will sense that you are trying to accomplish something and will begin to stir.  If you can master sleeping while sitting up on the couch you’ve got it made.
 

HOW TO GET YOUR TODDLER TO EAT

This one is a little simpler. Put your plate of dinner in front of your child. As per usual, the child will refuse to eat anything on the plate. Proceed to the kitchen and retrieve their plate and bring it to the table, placing it in front of you. Attempt to take a bite from this plate. Your toddler will begin to plea, nay beg, for whatever is in front of you. At first, refuse to give them anything off this plate. After a couple of minutes, finally agree to switch plates. N.B. This method works even if you have identical meals.

HOW TO GET YOUR PRESCHOOLERS TO CLEAN UP THEIR TOYS

Announce that you are about to do some chores and that you don’t want any help. Your child will immediately start following you around the house and demand to help with whatever you are doing. This is when you start putting away their cars and crayons.

 

POTTY TRAINING

There really is no easy way to potty train your child so your best bet is to focus on taking preventative measures to ensure that clean-up is a breeze. This means that you should rip up every single rug in your house (don’t forget the bath rug!) and get rid of any furniture that cannot be easily wiped down. For six months, it’s probably not a good idea to go anywhere if you are going to be more than 20 seconds away from a bathroom. Also, it’s smart to have at least five backup sets of sheets.

 

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AT LEAST TWO HOURS TO YOURSELF EVERYDAY

Are you crazy?!?!?!

 

What is the best advice for new parents? To follow me on Twitter and ‘Like’ me on Facebook.