Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Dear Mommy and Daddy (a.k.a. Kimye),

Grandma Kris recently informed me that I haven’t been doing enough publicity for the Kardashian family so I decided to share this letter that I have written to you, my loving parents, with the entire world. I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable that I am sharing a private moment with everyone…

Hi! It’s me… well, I don’t have a name yet, but maybe we can come up with one together! Some ideas: Kamille? Karol? Karoline? Klementine? Kolleen? So many beautiful names to choose from, I just can’t decide.

While we are pondering names, I would also like to make a request. Daddy, would it be possible for you to write a song in my honor? I mean, if Blue Ivy can have a song written for her, don’t you think I deserve the same star treatment? I know you’re busy and may not have time to write an entirely new song for me, but maybe we can just play around with some of the lyrics to one of your old ones? She take my binky. When I’m in need. You ain’t nothing but a binkydigger. I’m just throwing out ideas here; I’m totally open to suggestions. Or, if you’d like, I can ask Taylor Swift to write the song. I hear she’s won some Grammy’s and they don’t give those out to just anyone, right?

I would also like to put in a request for my own spin-off show when the timing is right. (I was thinking about six months after I am born?) Perhaps the show could be called Kimye’s Daughter Takes Gymboree? By the way, I am totes okay with being filmed all day long, but I would prefer it if you did not televise my birth. I will have had no time to do hair and makeup before making my first appearance in front of the cameras, and that just doesn’t seem fair.

A few other minor requests: I want the same amount of daily naps that Scott is granted. Bruce coaches all of my T-ball games. Regularly scheduled playdates with the Affleck/Garner brood. (Don’t they all look so sweet?)

You know what; after I’m born we can just go over all of this with my lawyer.  

I am just so excited to meet the entire Kardashian/Jenner family. Bible.


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