LIFE’S (SOMETIMES) A BEACH

Last week my husband and I stuffed our car with two suitcases, a stroller, the diaper bag, the beach bag, snacks, sippy cups and a mountain of sand and water toys and headed to the beach for a few days. I can't help but think to myself that whoever came up with the expression “life’s a beach” surely has never been to the beach with a one-year-old and a four-year-old.

This thought first crossed my mind after we had all settled in with our beach chairs, towels and umbrellas. I decided to sink into my own chair with a drink and a book and got about three pages in when my husband called me over to help. Big bro was desperate to start building his sandcastle, while all little bro wanted to do was eat sand. I reluctantly put my book down and picked it up again exactly zero more times. The book sat in my beach bag taunting me alongside the four magazines that I had also brought (silly me, I had previously contemplated whether that would be enough reading material).

I realized that I probably wouldn’t be making it to the spa this vacation.

Then it started raining.

With my family huddled under umbrellas trying to stay dry, I decided it would be a good time to pick up some lunch for us. By the time I arrived back with a bag of goodies, the sun had come out again and I started to get back into vacation mode. I doled out chicken fingers, French fries, fish tacos, pulled pork sandwiches, and frozen lemonades. I sank into my chair and was about to bite into my fish taco when suddenly a seagull swarmed down right in front of my son and ripped into his chicken fingers. The seagull flew away, I recovered from my mini heart attack, and we all just sat there staring at the nibbled on chicken. I made the neurotic mommy decision that it would be too gross to let my son finish his lunch, and after much cajoling he finally agreed to share my lunch. Surprisingly, he ended up finishing a whole fish taco.

After lunch, we endeavored to get little Bro down for a nap. We were certain that the ocean air and soothing sounds of the nearby waves would lull him to sleep in a matter of minutes. Instead, we ended up spending the next half hour struggling to get him to stop squirming away from us in his quest to find more sand to ingest. I looked around at the other adults sitting nearby, lounging with drinks in hand, napping, reading or just gazing at the ocean. Feeling defeated, I turned back to my one-year-old, who was grinning at me with a mouthful of sand. I couldn’t help but grin right back. Then I looked over at his big bro who was busy at work burying his poor daddy in the sand and I couldn’t help but start giggling.

I’ve decided to change the meaning of the expression “life’s a beach”. For me, that now means that sometimes life can be hard, but it is also totally worth it. You may not be able to read your book like you planned, but you may end up helping to construct your child’s first sandcastle. It may start raining at any moment, but when the sun comes back out you appreciate it even more. You may lose a chicken finger or two along the way, but maybe your kid will end up trying something new. You may try to get your one-year-old down for a nap….yeah, there really wasn’t any silver lining to that one…

So yes. Life’s a beach. It’s messy and unpredictable and exquisite. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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THE PARENTING GAME

I’m not a sports fan (much to the chagrin of my husband) but I’ve always loved how baseball can be symbolic of so many crucial life lessons. I thought it might be valuable to consider how baseball can teach us all a thing or two about parenting and what lessons to pass on to our children.

 

Learn how to lose

My four-year-old hates to lose, whether he’s playing basketball, a board game or a computer game. That doesn’t mean that when he insists on climbing up a chute I don’t patiently explain to him that he can only climb up ladders. Little kids might throw the occasional fit if they don’t get their way, but the only way to stop those tantrums is if they realize they can’t change the rules of the game. Learning how to strike out is just as crucial as learning how to succeed.

 

Realize the importance of the sacrifice

Once in a while you’re going to have to give something up for someone else on your team. Sometimes you may have to share your toys, finish chores before going out to play, or miss out on something because of the family’s busy schedules. The good news is that the team you sacrificed for will also be there for you if you need something.   

 

It’s ain’t over till it’s over

The thing I love most about baseball is that unlike so many other sports, a team can be down by a lot but they always have a chance to win, even in the last inning. A day in the life of a parent is long and there are countless ways to screw up (both for the child and the grownup). But you can always end the day with a good bedtime story, and as long as your kid goes to bed happy and in one piece, consider it a home run.

 

Watch out for curve balls

The one thing you can plan for as a parent is that you can never count on anything going as planned. Excited for that vacation you have coming up? Someone is probably going to get sick. Planning to make a phone call during your child’s naptime? They will only want to nap for twenty minutes that day. I find the hardest thing about being a mother is the uncertainty of knowing from minute to minute what problem you will have to solve. Once I relinquished the idea that everything would go as planned, parenting all of a sudden got a lot easier.

 

Don’t forget about the 7^th inning stretch

Kids have a funny little habit of making everything about themselves, but sometimes you need to step away from whatever you’re doing and give yourself a break, even if it’s for five minutes. Modern parents pride themselves on getting down on the floor and playing with their kids, on keeping them away from the television and computer, for making all of their organic meals from scratch. These accomplishments are all definitely things to be proud of, but once in a blue moon it’s ok to turn on Disney Jr., hand your kid a lollipop (organic, of course), and take ten minutes for yourself. As long as you’re not singing Cotton-Eye Joe, this time out will be worth it.

 

If things get really boring, get everyone a hot dog

Or at least some Cracker Jacks…

…but stay away from the juice.

 

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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE

Dear Duchess,

Given the imminent birth of your first child, I wanted to offer you some advice on what to expect in the delivery room. I’ve read reports that you are planning on having a natural birth, and that you are going to get through it by listening to soothing music. I too was advised to bring music to the hospital and was assured that it would distract me from the pain. Wrong! Please, take my word for it, unless you are using your iPod to throw at everyone who keeps telling you to ‘just breathe’, it really won’t do you much good.

During my first pregnancy, a prenatal class instructor advised me to think of other distractions to bring to the hospital in addition to music. During one class I was given a paper plate and was told to draw a comforting image. I drew my husband and me lying on two beach chairs facing the ocean. In retrospect, I should have drawn me, ripping a paper plate into a million pieces and throwing it out of a hospital window.

Will your royal servants be packing your hospital bag? You must be wondering what you’ll need! Don’t go crazy packing a million things. I’m sure William will run out and get you anything you forgot at the castle. Personally, the first time I was pregnant I arrived at the hospital with a huge duffel bag, filled mostly with a fluffy robe that I NEVER TOOK OUT OF THE BAG. It laid there right next to the fancy pajamas that I NEVER TOOK OUT OF THE BAG. Did you also happen to see the episode of Tori and Dean when Tori Spelling is wearing a designer hospital gown? I foolishly assumed that I, too, would care what I looked like for visitors, but I am here to tell you that Tori might have gone a little too far with that one.

Have you picked a name yet? I would highly recommend doing that before the birth. And if William tells you he wants to wait and see what the baby looks like before making any final decisions, feel free to tell him what I told my husband, “The baby will look like a BABY, not like an Elliott or a Frank.”   

Speaking of your husband, don’t let him try to talk you into a double room. I remember when I told my husband that I wanted to try and get my own room he quite rudely responded, “Those rooms are so expensive. Who do you think you are, a queen?” Don’t let William talk to you like that!   

Your friend,

Mom-fiction

P.S. Kate, if you have some time before the baby arrives, why don’t you follow me on Twitter and ‘Like’ me on Facebook. You won’t regret it!

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”

I love television, a little too much at times, but I’m not a nutcase who goes around quoting fictional characters to impart life lessons. Okay, sometimes I am that nutcase. Andy Bernard’s quote from The Office finale has been haunting me for a couple of weeks now. As I witness me and my friends grappling with the daily anxieties that inevitably accompany life as a “grown-up”, I can’t help but reminisce about the good old days in high school and college when I spent my time thinking about tests, crushes, parties and the Future.

Well, the Future has arrived, and in many ways it is filled with more laughter and love than I could have ever imagined. But let’s face it. Life is hard. We are all bone-tired. It feels like we are now bombarded on a weekly basis with some horrific news story that takes place across the country, or sometimes right in our backyards. No matter how blessed any of us feels, it’s hard not to long for simpler times.

Recently, Little Bro “graduated” from his gym class. While this won’t be the most significant graduation of his lifetime (I’m hoping) it did encourage me to pause and think about how time has just flown by. I was suddenly nostalgic for all of the times I had watched my little one so proudly attempt to walk on the balance beam or try to make a basket with the big bouncy ball.  Yet while I loved observing Little Bro blossom in his first gym class, I have to admit that during class I could occasionally be caught checking my watch or (gasp!) my phone. There were many times when I was completely focused on the flip that my son was about to do, but there were also times I could be caught taking mental notes for a future blog or figuring out if I had time after class to buy gifts for the birthday parties we were attending that weekend.  

Nowadays, I find myself caught between longing for The Future, when my young boys are a little older and I have a little more freedom, and The Past, when my boys were little babies who cuddled and cooed and seemed to do something new every day. Little Bro is finally a one-year-old. He can finally feed himself and allow me a few minutes to feed myself! We can go out in public and not worry that we will have to leave an event after twenty minutes because we’ve already gone through the three changes of clothes we brought! We can sleep through the night again (most of the time)!

And yet I still find myself pining for them to be infants once more. Look at how he just falls asleep in my arms! Did you see how he rolled over for the first time!! How cute is he when he spits out the banana?!

If I keep thinking about The Past, or longing for The Future to arrive, I doubt I’ll be able to enjoy much of anything.

That’s why I’m going to try and make Today the “good old days”.


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MAD MEN CHARACTERS ARE JUST LIKE TODDLERS

Turns out that the characters from Homeland are not the only ones who are just like toddlers. Our friends on Mad Men are also a little lacking in maturity.

Here are the top ten ways that Mad Men characters are just like toddlers:

 

1.      Roger Sterling often throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.

2.      Don Draper likes to play make-believe and pretend he’s someone else.

3.      Pete Campbell has tattled on Don and his father-in-law.

4.      Everyone is obsessed with Heinz ketchup.

5.      Bertram Cooper refuses to put on his shoes.

6.      Peggy Olsen has a new best friend every week.

7.      After lunch, everyone at the office seems to take a bottle and then a nap.

8.      Betty Draper always wants seconds on dessert.

9.      Joan Harris likes to boss people around.

10.  Megan Draper likes to sing in front of everyone at birthday parties.

MOTHER'S DAY THANK YOU CARD

While it’s customary for children to thank their mothers for all of their hard work on Mother’s Day, I would like to take this time to thank my children for everything they have taught me. Here are a few lessons I’ve picked up so far.

IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, JUST ASK

A couple of weeks ago I took my two boys to the playground for a picnic dinner and to take advantage of the beautiful spring weather. I started feeding Little Bro his yogurt and told Big Bro he could play for a few minutes before eating his sandwich. A couple of minutes later, I spied Big Bro bravely approaching a group of kids who were starting a game of tag. I heard my son announce that he knew how to play tag too and ask if he could join in the game. They said yes (thankfully) and when he returned for his sandwich he couldn’t stop telling me about his new friends. I wondered whether I would be brave enough to approach a group of mothers in the playground and introduce myself. As you get older, it can be difficult to meet new people but my three-year old reminded me that if you’re brave enough to ask to be included, you may just find yourself making a new friend.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

This is one of those lessons that I repeat all day long to my children, but find I need to remind myself of more. You weren’t born knowing how to do everything to perfection, and it’s important not to give up so easily after small (or big) failures. Both of my children started swim lessons a couple of weeks ago, and neither one was particularly thrilled during their first class. But Big Bro stuck it out in the pool for the entire half hour, and Little Bro only whimpered for a few minutes before giving in and bouncing along with Daddy to Humpty Dumpty. And I smiled as I watched my two children and my husband safely from the dry observation deck, because if anyone made me get into the pool early on a Saturday morning I would be crying louder than any of those kids.

 

BE PATIENT AND YOUR CHILD WILL BE POTTY TRAINED BEFORE COLLEGE

I know it’s no secret that potty training can be challenging, but until you’re in the pee-soaked trenches, you really have no idea what you’re in for. At one point, I started telling myself that not being potty trained before high school graduation could end up being an advantage. After all, my son could write his college essay about still being in pull-ups and that could be his of standing out in the crowd. Thankfully, he’ll have to find something else to write about. And I won’t be so discouraged when my younger one isn’t potty trained after one week.

 

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T HOLD IT IN

Toddlers have a habit of saying whatever is on their minds, and sometimes this can be extremely uncomfortable. (“Mommy, I thought you said you didn’t like her!?”) But with the awkward overshares come the uninhibited sharing of whatever emotion they happen to be feeling at the moment, which can be really sweet. We grownups don’t do that nearly enough, so remember that once in a while it’s important to tell someone how much their friendship means to you, or to thank your partner for all of their support.

BE HEALTHY

I recently stopped breastfeeding, and while this can be an emotional time for mothers, it can also be quite liberating. I suddenly don’t have to be so vigilant of everything I eat and drink. I can now enjoy a glass of wine (or two) with my tuna sashimi and not have nightmares later that night about how I have ruined my son’s future with alcohol and mercury poisoning. Fortunately, I am now also in the habit of thinking more about what I put into my body, and I may be more likely to skip the Diet Coke for seltzer with lemon juice, or try to incorporate more calcium into my diet. I hope some of those healthier habits stick around.

 

GO WITH THE FLOW

Your first child is always under your watchful eye and is protected from rambunctious older children. The second child is always under the watchful eye…of their older sibling. But Little Bro never seems to mind being lifted, poked, and accidentally tripped over. Toys can be flying across the room, missing his head by an inch, and he’ll just give me a look that seems to say, “My Big Bro is so silly, but so much fun!” The other day, I walked into the living room and found my one year old and three-year old standing on the couch looking out the window. When I inquired how his younger brother got up there, my older son replied that he had simply picked him up and assured me not to worry, that when his brother wanted to get down he would just lift him off. I almost interfered, but then Little Bro turned around and gave me that knowing smile, assuring me that it was no big deal, so I took his advice and left them both on the couch.

TO ENJOY BEING UP EARLY ENOUGH TO SEE THE SUNRISE

What can I say? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

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CARRY ON

Once in a while a song comes along that becomes something of a theme song for me. Something I can sing along to in my head when I need a little pick-me-up. Nowadays, Carry On by Fun. has become that song for me. I decided that every new parent needs a little pick-me-up once in a while so I've tweaked the lyrics a bit and came up with this.

 

CARRY ON

Well, I woke up to the sounds of the baby

Crying for the fifth time tonight

And I found him begging for just one more bottle

So I put my sleepy head down to cry

You swore and said,

It’s your turn…it’s your turn to feed this crying child

No it’s not I said

When you claimed you were up last you lied

Well I’ve never been through hell like this

And I know I’ve gotten up more than you tonight

 

If you’re lost and alone

Or your toddler won’t give back your i-Phone,

Carry on

May your infant not leak, for the tenth time this week

Carry on

Carry on, carry on

 

So I met up with some friends to get out of the house

The babysitter will cost us a whopping $75

And we talked and talked about how the Wonder Pets can fly

Max and Ruby have no parents and why

I’d like to think I can stay out some more

But I know I have to get home because my kids are still awake

And besides I know,

I will be woken up by 6:45am

That is if I’m lucky

 

If you’re lost and alone

Or your toddler won’t give back your i-Phone

Carry On

May your infant not leak, for the tenth time this week

Carry on

Carry on, carry on

Woah

My head is on fire

After going to the park

They refuse to leave when it gets dark

And just lay down on the floor

And cry for one, one more ice cream

Yes just one more ice cream NOW

 

Yes we are

We are such worn-out parents

Still we are invincible

We are who we are

Even on the hardest days

When our patience has been tested in a dozen ways

We will find our way home

CARRY ON, CARRY ON

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